I'm sixteen
It's the first year with biology class
We are learning about kidneys
and their malfunctioning
We get to dialysis
How patients have to go in frequently
to clean their blood
because their body won't do it anymore
I'm sitting at the back of the class
as usual
Tears start rolling down my face
as I consider that life
of the one with a kidney
that just won't do it anymore
Oh you are just too sensitive
Days pass by
I try to forget about the malfunctioning kidneys
all around the globe
but something arguably more painful is coming my way
color-blindness
I start sobbing at the prospect
of not seeing colors
This time it's harder to stop
I'm seventeen
It's time to choose my future job
that I will be spending most of
the hours of the days of the years of my life at
Options are limited
Writer
Psychologist
Photographer
have all been ruled out
["you will be hungry
you cannot end up like us"]
I remember the kidneys and the color-blind eyes
I cannot be a doctor
I cannot cry about everyone
I would be of no help
So I start with the maths and the physics
The only way to go
It's years later and continents away
from where that decision was made
I'm in my 3rd year of engineering school
as options dictated
I walk into a building to write an exam
with the army of others like myself and unlike myself
In the distance
on the shiny stone floor
a red puddle shimmers
Yellow caution tape
and a quiet hum in the crowd
We have to leave the building
Someone has jumped off the second floor edge
A 2nd year student they say
He didn't make it
Blood always makes me faint
I don't cry
and I don't faint
I turn around and leave the building
I can't feel anything anymore
The next day
A large net
hangs above the cold shiny stone floor
No more blood
shall dirty this floor
The next week
A new university clause is being considered
"Students who are deemed mentally unwell,
who cannot study or disrupt others' studies
must go on mandatory leave."
I can't feel anything anymore
I sign the petition in my quiet rage
and open my textbook
There won't be anymore blood
on the cold shiny stone floor
There is a net to catch
There is a clause to wipe away
your pain and sorrow
my pain and sorrow
I can't feel anything anymore
Oh you are just too sensitive